those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
