I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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