if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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