Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
