i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
