i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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