I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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