I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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