My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
