the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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