You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
