I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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