yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
