I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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