Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
