Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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