I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
