OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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