If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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