david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
