All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
