somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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