I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
