I got chris browned last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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