your parents love me but you hate me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
