he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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