in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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