Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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