I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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