dude i'm inner monologue high
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ketchup is God's man juice
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
