it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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