i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
