I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
