Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
