Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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