We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
