i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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