I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
