a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
