I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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