Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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