Umm I'm too high to move.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
