I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
