...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
