I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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