Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
