im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
