I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
