if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
