super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
