that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
