Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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