i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
