dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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