my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
