I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
