ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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