Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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