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She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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