Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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