Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
