you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
