I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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