he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
