Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
