It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
