cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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