wanna go halves on a baby?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
