You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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