Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Jerry, you need to find god
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
