There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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