he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
