I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
