hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
