Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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