Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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