you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
