There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
