promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
