didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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